A day at the Police Station

“G’day, I need to report a lost property”
“Can I get your ID please”
“That is the problem. I don’t know”
“You mean you don’t know you who your are? Sir, in that case I must refer you to Doctor. You have come to wrong place. We cannot help you.”
“No, No, I know myself. I mean who I am…”
“You mean you know yourself but do not know your ID? You may have a temporary amnesia sir.”
“No, I am perfectly alright.”
“Well that is for the Doctor to say isn’t it? Did you consult one?”
“I don’t need to consult a doctor. I’m perfectly alright.”
“But you said you don’t know your ID.”
“No, you got me wrong, what I meant was I don’t know where my ID is. It is stolen.”
“So you don’t know who you are and you also lost your ID?, sir, we cannot spend our resources to find out who you are!”
“No you got me all wrong. What I wanted to complain was I lost my ID.”
“Ok, whatever….where do you stay?”
“In Westmead”
“Do you have proof?”
“You don’t know where you live or you cannot prove where you are living?”
“No I know where I live but I don’t have proof.”
“Ok, what is your age and date of birth?”
“Is it necessary – I mean date of birth?”
“Well, we don’t want any minor to come and report to us sir.”
“But do I look like a minor to you?”
“Well, that is not for me to comment, sir. Can you provide me an age-proof please”
“No, I can’t.”
“You don’t have proof for your birth or you don’t know whether you are born?”
“Well I am born – haven’t I? If not I will not be present in person! This is ridiculous.”
“Sir, are you telling me that Australian police are ridiculous?”
“Sorry, I take that back.”
“Sir, again you are calling us ridiculous. If you want to complain there is a separate complaint section. I must refer you there.”
“No, what I meant was I take back what I said about being ridiculous.”
“Ok, in future, please be specific. So far from what I have, you don’t know who you are, where you live and when you are born. You don’t even have proof whether you are born or not. Anything else?”
“Actually, I just came to report my ID is lost.”
“Well you could have said that in the first place and saved the trouble. Do you have a Driving license?”
“No it got revoked for illegal driving.”
“You mean you drove an illegal vehicle?”
“No, it got revoked, because I drove on the wrong side of the road.”
“Why did you drive on the wrong side of the road?”
“Well, you see I studied in US and got used to driving on the other side.”
“So you are from US, illegally driving here?”
“No, no. I am not from US. I am an Australian citizen”
“So you are an Australian citizen living illegally here as US citizen?”
“No. I am living legally here. I’m born here.”
“So you are an Australian citizen but act like a US citizen here?”
“No. I am not acting like a US citizen.”
“But you said you drove like US citizen here.”
“Well what I meant was I am an Australian citizen but drove on the other side of the road due to force of habit. I am neither a US citizen nor act like one.”
“Sir, either you are an Australian citizen living here illegally or a US citizen born in Australia and living here illegally or an Australian citizen living in US illegally or Australian citizen thinking illegally living as a US citizen here or an Australian citizen born in US and living illegally here. Which one are you?”
“This is all very confusing.”
“Well do you want me to repeat that?”
“No, no. Please don’t. This is what I have to say: I am a legal Australian citizen studied legally in US and came legally to Australia 2 years back and I’m staying here since then legally.”
“If you say so sir. You could have said this in the first place. Back to your birth….”
“Well I’m born here.”
“…which you cannot prove.”
“I can prove it, I do have a birth certificate to prove it.”
“Then show me, sir.”
“I don’t have with me now.”
“You mean you don’t carry your birth certificate with you?”
“Do you normally carry birth certificate?”
“Why should I carry your birth certificate, sir?”
“No, what I meant was do you carry your own birth certificate?”
“Of course no. I’m not the one who is complaining about my birth sir.”
“Surprisingly, you didn’t ask me whether I’m male or female?”
“Should I?”
“Well, you are being so specific, I though you will want proof of that as well.”
“Now you are being ridiculous sir. Australia is a free country and you can choose to live whatever life style that suits you. You could be a male had an operation to convert yourself to female or you could be a female converted to male, or gay woman dressed as man or gay man dressed as woman or a perfect straight man dressed as female or a perfect straight female dressed as male. Do you want to tell me about who you are?”
“I’m sorry I asked. Forget it.”
“Well, sir, it looks like you are forgetting a lot aren’t you? You have lost your ID, do not know who you are, do not know where you live and have no idea whether you are born here or in US. Come to think of it, you don’t even have proof, you are born. Above all, you don’t know whether you are male or female or probably gay. Is anything else?”
“I am really going crazy with this.”
“But you did come here with Amnesia. I told you in the first place you are on the wrong place. You should go to a Doctor. Do you have a medicare card?”
“No. it got stolen too…”
“Great! you have amnesia, do not know whether it is temporary or permanent and you don’t even have a Medicare card to go to hospital.”
“You know what, I think I will withdraw my complaint.”
“But you never made a complaint, sir.”
“Well I thought I did.”
“You are getting very forgetful sir.”
“I better leave. I will go crazy standing here.”
“Sir, this is Police Station, not a nut house. Nobody goes crazy here, unless you come here as a crazy person.”
“Good day, gentleman. I think I’ll leave.”
“Sorry sir…you cannot leave here.”
“Sir you have amnesia, you yourself accepted you are crazy and under this condition, if we let you out, you would be a public nuisance and above all could be a risk to others.”
“But I’m perfectly a sane person. You are taking things too literally.”
“Again, sir, I’m not here to judge. From what you have said, you definitely need to be in Hospital. If you care to take that bench over there, I will organise for an ambulance.”
Posted on Jan 30, 2015 3:51pm

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